


Say Never

by Ameriphobia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Time Skips, canonverse, half in the future, klance focused but everyone is important, some violence/ injury but not graphic, stuff happens when you're saving the universe, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 08:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11437014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameriphobia/pseuds/Ameriphobia
Summary: Lance never would have dreamed that he would be so close to Keith. But eventually, neither of them could imagine being apart. Then, after three years of time and space between them, Keith never would have thought that they could put the pieces back together.But things change, and change, and change again.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I haven't written fic in maybe a year now, but I just had a lot of ideas for Klance that I wanted to get out all at once, which is why this is like a bunch of little stories smooshed together in a story blender. It has a coherent plot though, I promise.
> 
> This story will be set partially after the end of season 2 and beyond, and partially around 6 years later, when the Galra empire has fallen and a lot of things have changed for the characters. This will be a two-part story because everything I write is longer than I expect it to be, and the second part should be up in about a week or two. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you like it!!

“The shuttle is docked. Oh, this is so exciting!”

Keith loved Coran, but his voice was a little irritating this early in the morning. Especially after a night of no sleep. After a night of flipping from one shoulder to the other, listening to the quiet, ever-present hum of the spaceship’s tech, thoughts a tangled mess, trying to decide-

“Of course, the shuttle can only hold three of us, and the other one’s been out of commission since that little incident in the Brogdonian asteroid cloud, so we’ll have to make a couple of trips. But, as you say, no biggie! Keith and Shiro, you’ll go first, since it is your home planet after all! Allura and I will pop down for a visit after you return.”

Keith tried to clear the sleep out of his voice, “Um, actually I-”

He was cut off by Shiro making an amused and incredulous sound. “You call that a ‘little incident’? We got hit by fourteen asteroids.”

Keith cleared his throat again, “Um, yeah, so I decided that I-”

Coran ‘hmm’ed thoughtfully. “Yes, I suppose it was a rather big incident, wasn’t it? Well, that doesn’t matter now! Soon we’ll be down on Earth, and I can have another crack at eating ‘peetsy’”.

“It’s called pizza, Coran.”

Allura cringed. “Awful stuff.”

“Oh yes, at first, but I really think that once I get past the initial-”

Keith sighed. “I’m not going with you guys,” he said, finally loud enough to cut through their chatter. There was a terrible silence that made him wish he could just go back to bed. For the next couple hundred years, preferably.

“What?” The look on Shiro’s face was worse than Keith had imagined. He looked away.

“But, Keith,” Allura said, placing a worried hand on his shoulder, “It’s your home.”

Keith fought the guilt that churned in his stomach. He knew what Allura would give to get to see her home planet one last time. “I mean, not really,” he said, “I feel like out here is more my home. And it’s easier if there’s only three of you.”

“Everyone wants to see you,” Shiro said.

“Yes. I’m sure Lance wants to see you especially!” Coran added. Shiro and Allura both glared at him for mentioning Lance, which grated Keith’s nerves even more than Coran’s original mention of him.

“Look, we’re close enough now that I can talk to them on the videocam. And…I’m not so sure he wants to see me anyway.”

“Ah. Is that what this is about?” Shiro asked.

“What? No! I just.” Keith took a deep breath, gathering

his thoughts. “I just don’t really feel like I need to go down there. And all of you really want to…and there’s only three seats…so, I’m not going. It isn’t a big deal.”

“But…Keith….” Allura seemed to search for words. Before she could land on the right ones, Shiro stepped in.

“If that’s what you want, Keith,” he said, but in that disappointed tone that Keith hated so much. _If that’s what you want. It’s completely wrong, and I am definitely going to hold it against you forever, but, if that’s what you want._

The next hour passed in discomfort for all them. Allura, Coran, and Shiro made last minute preparations for their trip down to the surface, while Keith hovered around trying to look busy enough that they wouldn’t talk to him anymore. Eventually, he decided to go back to his room until the final goodbye.

He held up a hand to the scanner at the side of his door, and it opened with a soft sound, like a gentle breeze. The room was different than the small quarters they’d all had during the war. It had double the space, with a king-sized bed and its own bathroom. A “more appropriate” living situation for someone his age, as Allura had put it, and she was probably right. Somehow, against all the odds, he’d become an adult out here.

But the real reason he’d accepted this room was the huge window lining the far wall, looking out into empty, calm, brilliant space. Keith’s favorite sight. His freedom, his natural habitat. Something he could never bear to leave.

Only today, the space wasn’t empty. Beyond the glass, so close that it felt like he could almost reach down and touch it, was Earth. Shining bright in the darkness, green with plants and blue with oceans. After all this time, the sight was almost alien to him.

And yet, as Keith stared down at it, he was surprised to feel an almost gravitational pull. Like something down there was calling for him to return.

Calling him home.

Six years earlier

All of Lance’s emotions came out of nowhere. Keith knew that he could be a hothead, could let the fierce tug of baser instincts get the best of him, but at least his emotions made sense. Lance was like a volcano, dormant and joking one moment, and erupting in vitriol the next. Usually all over Keith.

Shiro was gone. Keith was grieving. Keith was tired. And he didn’t understand why he had always been the only target of Lance’s ugly side.

“What is your problem?” Keith spit at Lance. Nearby, the others were tensing, getting ready for another fight. But Keith was done. He was so done with _this._ “Seriously, just say it. Then maybe we call all focus on what we need to do.”

“Don’t do that.” It was amazing, sometimes, how severe Lance could be in moments like these. The past week had been hell. “Don’t try to make it sound like I’m the one screwing everything up. Like I don’t care about any of this.”

“Do you? Because it seems like all you care about is picking fights with me.”

“I care that you’ve been a shit leader, and you won’t listen to me about anything! You don’t trust anyone but yourself.”

Keith took that one like a punch to the gut. He didn’t let it show. “Shiro put me in charge-”

“Yeah, I’m aware of that, thanks.”

"Can you just stop it?” This was a new voice. Pidge. Her voice cracked, desperate; she looked moments away from either crying or throwing them both out of the airlock. Looking around, Keith saw that Hunk was watching them with tired heartbreak.

Allura, however, had a stony look on her face, mouth shut tight. She’d already given them the ‘behave like paladins’ talk about a hundred times. “Lance,” she said, deadly calm, “If you cannot respect Keith as a leader, and insist on behaving like a child, then I think you should leave this meeting.”

Lance froze, like she’d walked across the room and slapped him in the face. Then he straightened himself. “Fine,” he said, before turning and walking out the door. Keith couldn’t decipher the look on his face. Anger, hurt, remorse? 

The automatic door slid shut behind him. It left a silence almost worse than the shouting.

___________

Keith approached Hunk a few hours later. The yellow paladin was fiddling around with some of the castle’s tech, humming to himself, seemingly perfectly recovered from the day’s earlier incident.

“Uh, Hunk?” Keith asked, cautious.

“Oh, hey buddy!” Hunk smiled up at him, not noticing the several bolts and other things that clattered to the ground when he turned. The way Hunk was always happy to see him made Keith’s chest feel warm. He found himself smiling back.

“Hey.” He sat down next to his friend on the floor. “I was just wondering, since you’re Lance’s best friend…do you know why he hates me?”

Hunk looked taken aback. “What? No, man, he doesn’t hate you! Lance doesn’t hate hardly anyone. He’s not like that.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Keith tried to sound unaffected. But the truth was, this had been bothering him since he had first met Lance. He’d be the first person to admit that he wasn’t the type people warmed up to right away. But no one had ever taken such and immediate, intense dislike to him before.

Hunk studied him, eyes gentle. “I kinda thought you two were doing better for a while. You were talking sometimes, training together….”

“I know. I thought so too. But then Shiro-” Keith’s words got stuck halfway to his lips. He still couldn’t say it. “Then I started piloting Black. And he started going after me even more than before.” In his frustration, Keith leaned back on the control panel Hunk was working on.

“Wait, Keith, you might not want to-”

“Ow! Shit.” Keith sprung forward as a shock ran through his body.

“…lean on that. Sorry.”

Keith only sighed. Honestly, he’d rather be electrocuted than get into another shouting match with Lance in front of everyone.

Hunk gave him a hearty pat on the back. “Listen, buddy. Lance is a good guy. He’s just a little insecure sometimes. I bet it really hurt him that Shiro picked you, even if he understands why. And he’s taking it out on you because he’s always been like, super jealous of you.”

Keith stared at his friend. “Wait, what did you say?”

“Yeah, I mean, he totally always wanted to fly like you, you were at the top of the class! And you always acted like it was all so easy, and were all cool and mysterious and- oh. Oh no.” Hunk slapped himself on the forehead. “I should not be telling you this, should I? This is like, a total violation of our buddy code.”

Keith was too busy turning this information over in his mind to notice Hunk’s floundering. All this time, Lance was jealous of him? Hunk had to be imagining it.

“Well, what should I do then?” he said, interrupting Hunk’s guilty spiral. “We can’t keep going like this. It’ll tear Voltron apart.”

Hunk thought for a moment. “Well, I think it would help to make sure Lance knows he’s an important part of the team. You know, put him in charge of missions sometimes. Maybe actually listen to what he has to say at strategy meetings. Stuff like that.”

Keith winced at the mention of the meetings, knowing that Hunk was right. “Yeah. I’ll, uh…I’ll work on that.”

“And it won’t just be good for him, either. Being in charge doesn’t mean you have to do everything alone.” Hunk said, smiling. Then he became serious. “But please don’t ever tell him about this conversation. Ever.”

Keith smirked. “Got it.”

____________

“Any changes down there, Lance?” Keith said into his helmet. He grunted as he dodged another laser strike. The Galran fleet was closing in, but there clearly weren’t enough of them stationed around the small moon below to hold the lions off for long. Hopefully, this mission could go off without a hitch.

“Everything’s a-okay, cap’n.” Keith was relieved to hear Lance’s voice. He knew that leading the miniscule number of enslaved settlers off the moon was a one-man job, and that they needed everyone else to take down the fleet. He knew that Lance could handle this. But still, Keith felt like one of his limbs was down on that moon with no backup. He thought he was starting to understand how Shiro had felt. His life was heavy with the responsibility of other peoples’ lives.

But it _was_ kind of nice to hear Lance call him “captain.” Even sarcastically.

Keith struck a devastating blow to the Galra ship in front of him. “Good. You got an ETA yet?”

There was some talking in the background, followed by the boisterous sound of Lance’s laughter. He must have been talking to the settlers. “Thanks to my awesome leadership skills, me and my new number one fans should be coming around in about- hey, what the space-junk is that?”

“Lance? What’s going on?”

“I dunno,” there was a note of uncertainty in Lance’s voice that made Keith’s stomach flip. He definitely understood Shiro now. “There are some ships above us. They don’t look like Galra, but, uh. They’re getting closer.”

Shit. “Lance, take Blue and get out of there. It’s probably nothing, but we can’t risk you. We’ll come for everyone as soon as we can.”

“Dude, I can’t just leave them out here. Wait, crap. Oh no, no, no, no-”

At first, Keith thought the explosive sound was coming from the battle. A flash of cold panic surged through him when he realized it was coming from his com.

“Lance? Lance, are you there?” No response. “Lance!”

“What’s going on?” Pidge’s voice came through his helmet. 

Hunk wasn’t far behind. “Is Lance okay?”

“I don’t know,” Keith said through his teeth. Red took another blow, this time nearly knocking him out of his seat. “His communication’s down. We have to get down there now.” He gripped his controls, trying to focus all of his energy on the fight in front of him.

“Let’s end this.”

_________

It was weird that Keith couldn’t stop being happy.

Maybe happy wasn’t the right word. Because he was on some middle-of-nowhere moon, under heavy fire by an unknown enemy, helping Hunk drag a bleeding, screaming, thrashing Lance into his lion. Because they’d just lost a dozen civilians. Yeah, happy was really not what he was feeling right now.

It was more like he couldn’t focus on any of those other things, because his thoughts were a mantra of _Lance is alive, Lance is alive, Lance is alive_.

_Lance didn’t die on the mission I sent him on._

Reality came crashing down on him at the tone of Hunk’s voice. It was strained from crying, and shouting to be heard over the gunfire. “Come on, buddy, you have to come with us! Please, just calm down, okay? It’s gonna be okay.”

Lance continued to struggle, throwing his elbow back hard enough to give Keith a nosebleed. He barely even felt it.

“No, we have to go back,” Lance gasped. His eyes were far away. “We have to-”

“We can’t, Lance,” Keith said, blood running into his mouth. “I’m sorry. They didn’t make it.”

All the fight went out of Lance at once. He slumped down, causing Hunk and Keith to nearly buckle under the unexpected weight. His breaths came out hard and fast, tears streaming down his grimy face.

Keith gripped his friend’s arm tighter, and they carried him home.

________

When Lance came out of the healing pod, it felt vastly different from the last time. Hunk still ran over to hug him. Everyone was still thrilled, relieved, and grateful that he was okay. But the memory of how he had been when he’d gone into the pod was still fresh in their minds.

None of them knew what to expect.

It seemed to take him a moment to remember where he was, what had happened to him. When he did, it was like a weight had fallen down on him. He appeared to sink further towards the floor, his eyes hardening and fading out like embers in the sky.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, buddy,” Hunk said, still holding him tight.

“We all are,” Allura came over, trying for a warm smile. “You had a nasty run in with those pirates. They have a tendency to take advantage of conflict. And to not take any prisoners.”

An uncomfortable silence followed. Lance didn’t make eye contact with any of them.

Coran cleared his throat. “Well, you must be hungry after all that time in there! What d’you say we go to the kitchen and I’ll whip something up for you?”

Lance shook his head, finally free from Hunk’s embrace. “Nah, I’m not really hungry. I think I just want to sleep.”

He sounded so exhausted that none of them could argue. Hunk walked him to his room, leaving them all struggling to deal with the pervasive silence in the castle.

Not long after, Keith hung around outside Lance’s room. Hunk had been in there with him for a while, talking to him. Coran had also paid a visit. But Keith was the leader now, wasn’t he? He should be able to help Lance through this. He should at least let him know that he was there.

But god, he was bad at this kind of thing.

“Uh, Lance?” he said as he stepped in the room, hoping he wasn’t sleeping again. “You awake?”

He found Lance laying on his side. Keith could tell by his breathing that he wasn’t asleep, but he didn’t say anything in response.

"I just wanted to say...good job out there today."

Good job? But what else could he possibly say?

A still moment passed. Then, to Keith’s horror, he saw that Lance’s body was shaking with quiet sobs.

“Uh,” Guilt almost rendered Keith speechless. How could he have sent Lance into this situation? “I’ll go now. Get some rest.”

Just as Keith was turning to leave, Lance spoke, so low that he almost didn’t hear him.

“I’m sorry.”

Six years later

There was a moment, after Lance’s alarm went off, when he thought that it was just a regular day. That he’d have to climb out of bed, drag himself into the shower, put on his semi-casual, Smart-but-Also-Cool-Young-And-Handsome-Professor clothes (jeans, button-down, sick tie, tousled hair) and drive to work.

For better or worse, that moment didn’t last long. Like realizing he was sleeping in someone else’s bed (a sensation he was intimately familiar with, of course) the walls of his world of normalcy began caving in rapidly. First, there was just the scramble to shut off his alarm, and a few fading remnants of the dream he’d been having. Something about a spaceship, and aliens coming down to Earth to give him hugs and ask for pizza-

“Ugh,” Lance sat straight up, both hands flying to his face. “Oh, God.”

Lance’s phone wouldn’t stop buzzing as he made a hasty breakfast (pouring cereal counted as making!) and it was very distracting, as he was trying to focus on what-in-the-sweet-and-starry-universe he was going to wear today. _Not that it matters. Why would it matter? Oh god, I’m gonna throw up._ Shouldn’t have gone for the Fruity Pebbles.

Hunkalicious: hey man, did you want me to pick u up today? Already carpooling with pidge

Hunkalicious: im so excited!!!!! Or nervous. Or both. My palms are sweaty

Hunkalicious: is that normal? r ur palms sweaty??

Pidgeon: morning sunshine

Pidgeon: just making sure u didn’t sleep thru your alarm again

Pidgeon: and don’t spend too much time picking an outfit. I will not be late to see our friends for the first time in 3 years because of your vanity lance!!!!!!!!!

Mama <3: you sure you’re okay baby? I can come with you

Mama <3: I can give him a good kick for you, if that would help

Mama <3: even if it wouldn’t. it might make me feel a little better

Lance sighed, giving up on breakfast entirely. If only it weren’t for stupid interstellar communication barriers, then maybe he could have been more prepared for this. Maybe then they wouldn’t have gotten a message from the Garrison’s transmissions station at five o’clock in the afternoon fucking yesterday saying that the castle of lions and its inhabitants were stopping in for a visit.

Shit. He’d barely had time to cancel his classes, much less prepare for the epic emotional ordeal of seeing his ex after three years of being separated by like, billions of miles and a ten-foot thick firewall of communication failures. Technological and otherwise.

Deciding all at once not to care, Lance threw on his usual work clothes, sans-tie. He took a quick minute to answer his texts (No, ma, that won’t be necessary. Please don’t use the winking emoji again ever. Fuck off pidge, bet I’ll be there earlier than you guys anyway. Nah, I’ll meet you guys there, thanks hunk) and left his apartment.

He didn’t mention to Hunk that, yes, his palms were absolutely sweaty.

Six Years Earlier

“The Lonodins were an incredibly advanced civilization,” Allura told them at the helm. Lance couldn’t help but admire the picture of princess-ly leadership she made, particularly in moments like this. That’s one of the things that had always gotten him about Allura, right from the beginning. She was like a character straight out of a storybook.

Until she was annoyed. “Lance, are you paying attention?” Her tone was softer than it might have been a few months ago, though it still made him feel like he was being scolded by a strict teacher. Ugh, like Mrs. Malone, that time he’d tried to convince her that his homework tablet had gotten run over by a street cleaner. Even after all this time, thinking about the look on her face made him shudder. The truth was, they’d all been pretty gentle with him since the mission on Druna 5. He wasn’t enjoying the treatment as much as he might have expected.

“Always paying attention to you, Princess,” Lance said with a wink. Hey, if he didn’t, they’d just be more worried about him.

Predictably, she ignored him with a scowl. “As I was saying, the Lonodins built an advanced technological utopia before the war. But they come from a small planet, and they knew their numbers were too low to stand a chance against Zarkon’s forces. So they evacuated to an uncharted solar system, cloaked a planet with their shielding technology, and went underground. Quite literally.”

“Rumor has it the planet is protected by all manner of booby traps,” Coran added. Lance thought he sounded a little too enthusiastic about that. It’s not like _he_ was the one who was gonna get boobied on.

“Yes,” Allura said, also way too chipper. “And according to some strange transmissions, we think we might have stumbled across the Lonodin’s star system. If we could get them to come out of hiding, their knowledge would be an invaluable resource to us. They’re very reclusive, but they might just make an exception for the paladins of Voltron.”

“But let me guess,” Hunk said, “First we have to get passed their advanced alien booby traps.”

Allura had the decency to look mildly apologetic. “Well, yes. You and Pidge will also have to find a way to interrupt the shields around the planet. I’m sure they’re very strong, but since they certainly weren’t programmed with Altean technology in mind, we may be able to get passed them. With the proper tweaks, of course.”

Pidge looked happy with that news. “Sounds fun!”

“Keith and Lance, would you go onto the ground to try and make contact with the Lonodins?” Allura said.

It took a moment for Lance to realize that he was being sent on a mission. Like, a real mission, not to go chat up some planet’s upper crust, or hit up an interplanetary market for spare parts. Not that he didn’t like shopping and chatting. Lance loved shopping and chatting.

But it had been a while since he’d seen any real action. Already, he could feel old panic rising up in his throat, the pressing weight of a responsibility he didn’t trust himself with anymore. Still, overriding it all was the need to get back out there and fight.

Fight to repair the pieces of himself that had been broken. To honor the memory of the people they’d lost.

“Yeah,” Lance said, careful to keep his voice steady, “I’ll do it.”

Across the room, Keith was watching him with those eyes that could look intense in any situation. He always seemed to be quietly burning, like a fire in the corner. Lance could never decide if it was comforting or alarming.

After the briefing, he came up to stand next to Lance where he was staring out of the window, into the abyss that was forever pressing in around them. Their conversation lasted all of one minute.

“You don’t have to do this, Lance. Not if you’re not ready.”

Lance watched the glimmering pinpricks of the stars, comforted by the thought that around them, there were planets. Forests, oceans. Maybe even people. Nothing ever empty, the space that made up the universe never truly quiet. No one ever really alone.

Lance gave Keith the best smile he had at the moment.

“I’m ready.”

_____

On the surface, the planet wasn’t just desolate- it was downright inhospitable. Sparsely vegetated, it was kind of like a big, gray desert made of dust. It was also hot like the fuckin’ Sahara, with bubbling pools of who-knows-what and frequent buggy swarms of what-the-heck-are-these and the occasional sighting of ungodly hideous lizard beasts basking in the sunlight. Overall, it was in the mid-range of horrible planets Lance had seen in his days in space.

“Great vacation spot,” Keith remarked, breathing heavy with the effort of walking on the strange, dusty ground.

“Eh. I give it a seven.”

“At least no acid rain,” Keith said.

Lance tried his best to assume the tone of a mildly unhappy internet reviewer. “Took the wife and kids to Hot Dusty Gunkhole Number Seven for a weekend getaway. The food was decent, and there was no acid rain, which was a plus, but I do not recommend swimming in the bubbling gunk vats. Also, my wife got eaten by a lizard. 7.5 stars.”

There was no burst of laughter to his left (not like he was expecting it out of Keith), but upon further inspection Lance could see that he was fighting back a pretty pervasive smile. “A lizard ate his wife, and he still gave it 7.5 stars?”

“Well, you know,” Lance was fighting a smile of his own now, “You can’t go for the budget-friendly option and expect no one to get eaten by lizards. You can’t have it all, Keith.”

This time, a short, small laugh did escape Keith. Lance felt oddly proud. Things hadn’t been…bad between them, necessarily. Mostly, they’d been quiet. When Lance was in a bad place, Keith had kind of hovered around, clearly wanting to help but not sure how. Lance couldn’t help but be a little touched by his concern, and so he’d tried his best to avoid bashing heads with him.

Since then, they’d all been busy, focused on looking for Shiro and fighting the Galra in any way they could. Somewhere along this painful mess of a few months, they’d established a (somewhat distant, frequently awkward) respect for one another.

It was better than nothing.

“Okay, guys,” Pidge’s voice rang through their coms, “You should be coming up on the entrance to their tunnel system. They use it as an emergency exit. I was able to temporarily shut down their cloaking device, so you should see some kind of disturbance in the surface, but watch out for the booby traps.”

Lance groaned. “Great. How’re we supposed to see a door under all this dust?”

“It isn’t dust, Lance.”

“Oh really? Then why is it called Hot Dusty Gunkhole Number Seven, hmm?”

“It…isn’t?”

“Thanks for the help, Pidge,” Keith said, pointedly bringing them back on task. “We’ll keep you updated.”

“Roger.”

It would have been nice if they could have just dropped them right on top of the secret entrance. But when Hunk and Pidge explained that they didn’t want to risk dropping them straight into a booby trap, Lance found it hard to disagree.

“So,” Lance said, walking slightly behind Keith and feeling increasingly jumpy, “What’s the game plan?”

“Don’t get killed by booby traps.”

“Great. Straight and to the point, as usual.”

Something shifted in the dusty sand. Lance flung himself so far out of the way that he smashed right into Keith.

“Hey, watch it!”

“You watch it!” Lance would have come up with a better comeback had it not been for the absolute terror running through his every artery. He swung around himself, eyes fixated on the ground.“Seriously, what was that?”

After a minute of both of them watching the sand, the spot that had moved before began to shift again. They both drew their bayards and aimed at whatever horror was about to emerge.

The sand trembled. Out of it popped a round, beetle-like creature.

“Ugh, come on!” Lance said, letting his gun fall limp at his side, “Now there are giant bugs living in the ground? This is officially the worst planet ever.”

But Keith wasn’t listening to his complaints. Instead, he leaned forward to get a closer look at the insect, eyebrows drawn in concentration.

“Uh, Lance? I don’t think it’s a real bug. It looks mechanical.”

“What? Oh no.” The gray sand trembled all around them. Soon, more bugs started to emerge from the ground like hideous flowers. “Yup, it’s a booby trap, this is a booby trap!”

“I can see that, Lance!”

Soon, there were hundreds of them, all beginning to close in. Keith wielded his bayard.

“Come on!” he shouted, slicing through a swath of them with the sword and breaking into a run. The insects started to shoot lasers of them. Of course.

“Oh god, oh god,” Lance yelled, shooting at every bug he saw. One of them attached itself to his back, and Keith pulled it off. Lance thanked his lucky stars he didn’t use his sword for that one.

The bugs kept coming until Lance was out of breath, and they were nearly overwhelmed. In the chaos, he didn’t notice the metal poles coming out of the ground until it was too late.

“Wait, Keith, something is-” Before he could get the words out, the poles surrounded them. The bugs retreated, but Lance had the feeling that they were the least of their problems now.

A sharp, sudden pain went through his arm. “Agh!” when he looked down, he saw that there was a needle-like spike on the ground next to him. It must have grazed his skin before falling.

Nearby, Keith shouted, and fell to the ground.

“Keith!” Lance frantically looked at the poles around them.

This would have to be quick.

Not taking the time to calculate, Lance raised his gun and shot at each of the thin poles surrounding them in quick succession. One by one, they were hit, the tops of each breaking off with a loud pop.

When Lance turned back to Keith, he was clutching his side on the dusty ground. He was also looking at Lance with an expression like, _holy shit_ , which Lance had to admit was pretty gratifying.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have time to gloat about his shooting prowess. A small, reddish force field had appeared around them, and he had a feeling they wouldn’t be able to get out.

Lance bent down next to Keith. “Are you okay?”

The red paladin kept his arm securely over the place where he’d been hit. “I’m fine,” he said.

“I’m fine,” Lance mimicked, pulling his face into silly directions for emphasis.

Keith stared at him. “Why are you mocking me?”

“Because you are clearly not fine!” Lance gestured to Keith’s crumpled form. “You were just impaled, Keith!”

“’Impaled’ is kind of a strong word.”

“Ugh,” Lance pinched the bridge of his nose, “I’m just gonna go ahead and pretend you’re reacting to this like a normal person.” He turned on his com. “Uh, guys? Are you there? We’ve got kind of a situation down here.”

“It’s fine,” Keith had to add, “We can finish this.”

“Quiet, invalid.” Lance listened hard into his headset. Nothing. “Uh, Hunk? Pidge? Anybody home?”

“I think the field is disrupting the coms.”

“Oh, ya think?” Lance wasn’t really annoyed at Keith’s usual love of pointing out the obvious. What annoyed him was that he could be so goddamn calm while Lance felt like he was about to hyperventilate all of the oxygen in his suit at once. Being down here, trapped, with Keith hurt, cut off from everyone else, with everything riding on him….

“Lance.” Keith’s voice came to him from another, less panic-attacky planet. He was on an island tanning on a pristine beach, while Lance was up in space, getting pelted by asteroids, nothing holding him to the ground, no air to breath-

“Lance.” Keith was kneeling in front of his face. And there were those eyes, that tiny fire in the corner. Lance decided that it was comforting after all. “You’re okay. You’re not alone this time. We’re gonna figure this out.”

He was always so sure about everything. His voice so steady, his eyes so hard. Lance managed a deep breath.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I’m good.” His blood still sort of felt like it was vibrating inside of his veins, but he could work with that. As long as there was air in his lungs. And speaking of blood…

“Holy shit, Keith!” There was a trail of blood in the dust, leading from where Keith had obviously dragged his injured body over to help Lance.

Keith shook his head. “I’m-”

“Fine! I know. You’re fine.” Lance rummaged around in his suit, searching for the little box Coran had given him. “You’re just lucky that I am a very multitalented person. A real Renaissance man, that’s me.”

“What are you talking about?”

Lance found the med kit and pulled it out. “Well, um, after everything that happened, Coran offered to teach me some traditional first aid kind of stuff. You know, so that if anything like that ever happens again, I can do something.”

Keith looked down. “Oh.”

Lance ignored the return of that look on Keith’s face, like wanted to say something, but didn’t know what, or how. Guilt and pity, with a little loss for words thrown in. Lance sighed. He was tired of seeing that face.

“Here,” he said, holding out an electric blue tablet, “Take this. It’ll help with the pain.”

Keith eyed the painkiller dubiously. “I don’t need that.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t need it. You shouldn’t waste it.”

“Ugh, we have plenty. You’re just trying to be Mr. Tough Guy. Don’t worry, I’ll tell everyone that you didn’t take any anesthetic and that me and all the giant lizards were very impressed.”

“I don’t care what you tell them.”

And the annoying, confusing thing was, Keith sounded like he actually meant it. Lance was familiar with the concept of posturing, of doing and saying ridiculous crap to cover up his insecurities. But it seemed like Keith had never done anything like that in his life. He was always just existing, like an old oak tree- or maybe more like an unselfconscious toddler. Lance couldn’t decide. Even when he was making rash, ridiculous decisions that no one else could possibly comprehend, Keith acted without a shred of hesitation or doubt in himself.

Lance envied him that.

“Listen,” Lance said, shining a disinfectant ray on the needle he’d gotten from his bag, “You need stitches, and if I poke you with this and you feel it, you’re gonna flinch. And since I’ve honestly never done this on a real person before, I cannot guarantee that my hand won’t slip and stab you in the eye or something. So just, take it, okay?”

For a moment, Keith stared down at the pill in his hand, like he was expecting it to spontaneously combust under his gaze. When it didn’t, he raised his hand and popped in into his mouth.

“Thank you,” Lance said. “Okay, so I don’t think any of your organs were hit or anything. I just need to disinfect the wound and stitch it up so that you don’t bleed out all over the place.” Apparently, the Alteans had developed a substance that could fuse skin back together when applied, but Coran couldn’t find any in the med bay. Lance thought it was likely that all of that kind of stuff was used up while the Alteans were under attack, but…he hadn’t really wanted to bring that up to Coran. So, traditional stitches it was.

Lance had to admit that Keith handled it like a champ. He was pretty sure that he was the more nervous of the two of them right now, but he willed his hands to stay steady.

“So,” Keith said while Lance stitched up the gash in his side, “You seem like you’re doing…better.”

Jesus. Keith really wanted to do this now?

“Uh, yeah,” Lance said, biting his lip in concentration.

A beat of silence. Maybe it was over.

But he wasn’t so lucky. “That day,” Keith sounded like he was saying something he’d been working up to for a long time, “When I came to see you, you said that you were sorry. Why would you apologize to me?”

Lance took a deep breath. “Listen. I know that it wasn’t my fault, but for a while…it just felt like if I had been better, or smarter, or something, then it wouldn’t have happened. That I could have saved them if I had been…you know. One of you guys.” He’d said these things before, to Hunk, to Coran, to anyone who’d taken up the role of temporary therapist for him in the past months. But saying them to Keith felt different. It felt final, like he was confronting the last boss in a video game.

Keith was looking at him, his eyebrows knit together. “Lance, I’m-”

“Don’t. Please don’t apologize for trusting me enough to send me on that mission. I know that there wasn’t anything any of us could have done, okay? I’m good.”

After a moment, Keith nodded. Lance struggled with himself a moment before saying, “Really, I’m the one who should be apologizing for being such a dick to you.”

Keith looked like he was about to respond, but once Lance had gotten started, everything spilled out of him at once. “I thought that you were like, this guy who didn’t really care about anything, and it pissed me off that you got all these things I wanted. Like, you were a fighter pilot, and I wanted that so bad, but you just seemed like it didn’t even matter to you. But now I think I get you a little more. I know you care about stuff. You just show it differently.”

Keith didn’t seem to know what to say to that, which was fine. Lance was exhausted from all of this fessing up. He tied up Keith’s stitches, and cut the end off with a satisfying snip.

“Okay, you’re all done. Who’s the best, most handsome doctor in the world?”

“Thanks,” Keith said, “For uh, all of that.” He shifted in the sand, groaning. “Those Altean painkillers are pretty strong. I can’t feel my legs.”

“Uh-huh, well- wait, what?” Lance’s heartrate spiked, because that definitely was not normal. Actually, now that he thought of it, his legs were feeling pretty numb too. He’d thought that it was just the way he was sitting.

“Uh, Keith? Don’t freak out, but I think there might have been something in those spikey things.”

“Oh. Huh.” Keith’s voice had taken on a dreamy tone. This was not good.

“Come on, man. Stay with me.” He slapped Keith lightly on the face a few times. Before he could get a response, the ground began to shake all around them. Lance tried to spring to his feet and grab his gun, but his limbs wouldn’t cooperate. At least he didn’t have it as bad as Keith. He still had some of his wits about him.

The red barrier around them went down. From the surrounding dust, a group of ten creatures emerged. They were intimidatingly big, varying shades of iridescent, almost holographic colors, and built a little bit like praying mantises.

Lance swallowed.

“Why have you come to our place of refuge?” One of the Lonodins said, voice deep and smooth. He should do documentaries, Lance thought.

Gathering all of his courage, Lance spoke with as much authority as he could manage.

“My name is Lance,” he said, “And I am a paladin of Voltron.”

________

It was nice to bask in the glory of a successful mission. It was even better to feel like something had opened up inside of him, like something lodged inside of his throat had finally been kicked out, and new air could enter his lungs. The world looked a little different than it had before.

“Excellent job, you two,” Allura said, eyes shining with pride, “The Lonodins will be incredibly helpful allies.”

“It was all Lance,” Keith said easily. Lance stood up a little straighter. “He saved my life.”

Lance waved him off. “Only like, three times.” His face split into a grin.

Allura shook her head fondly. “Thank you, Lance.”

He felt his face heat up. “Just doin’ my job, princess.”

After losing communications, everyone was happy to have them back safe. They had a big dinner, and Lance relayed the whole story in dramatic detail. Leaving out the mushy, boring bits where Keith decided to talk about their feelings, of course.

But it did seem like that talking had removed some kind of obstacle between them. Admitting he was wrong was never fun, but he’d learned that it was occasionally necessary.

When he wished Keith goodnight, he thought about the multiverse theories Hunk like to talk about. It felt like he’d just stepped into a new universe.

A universe where maybe, with a little luck, he and Keith just might be friends.

Six years later

Keith usually liked the quiet. He longed for it, in the hectic rush that was his life as a paladin, with teammates and diplomatic meetings and an endless supply of words. Sometimes, he realized guiltily that he missed the days when it was more about fighting, and less about building a new, stable universe from the ashes of an empire.

Keith had started to suspect that he was better at tearing things down than he was at building new ones in their place.

Today, the quiet on the ship was offensive. Without Shiro, Allura, and Coran, the place was like a stagnant pool. Keith couldn’t make enough noise on his own to cause any ripples.

It reminded him too much of that first day. When half of the team had made the decision to go home, and half had stayed to continue their mission to help the universe after Zarkon. When a deathly quiet sank into every crack of the Castle of Lions, the echoes of conflict still resonating in the silent halls.

At least they had movies now.

After sorting through some of the options on their Earth-made television set, Keith couldn’t stop himself from choosing some adventure flick that he and Lance watched together years ago.

As the stereos flooded the room with sound, he wondered why, with all of these people, and all of this noise, he always let loneliness in when it knocked on his door.

______

Lance pulled up to the Space Exploration Headquarters’ parking lot. He had that feeling he used to get when leaving school early because he was sick; the rebellious experience of walking through the parking lot while everyone else was trapped inside.

These normal things still startled him sometimes.

He wondered what Shiro and Keith would think about the Garrison being closed. It wasn’t like either of them had had a particularly good experience with the place, but still. It might come as a shock to see a completely different facility standing where it used to be. A place that focused on discovery, on using the technology he and his friends had brought back, and on teaching. There was still a program for defense, but the Earth no longer looked to the skies in the expectation of war.

“Hey, Lance!”

The Headquarters was also the place where he, Hunk, and Pidge all worked. Hunk and Pidge led many of the projects involving alien tech. Lance was a professor, and a flying instructor. And all three of them were on the board of directors.

They had founded the place, after all.

Despite seeing him nearly every day, Hunk still wrapped Lance in a big bear hug.

“Can you believe this?” he said, already sounding weepy, “We’re finally gonna see them again!”

Lance struggled for breath. “Uh, yep. Pretty unbelievable.”

Pidge gave him a look as Hunk put him down. “You doing okay?”

“Who, me?” Lance said, “Pfft. I’m great. This is…this is great.” And sudden. And terrifying.

“Hmm,” Hunk said, suspicious. “Well, we should probably get going. They’ll be landing soon.”

“Right. Landing soon. Cool. Great.”

“I think Lance is broken,” Pidge said. Lance told her to shut up, and they headed towards the landing pad.

_________

At first, the shuttle was only a speck in the blue October sky. Lance could almost believe that it was just a bird flying high, or a balloon a toddler had let go at a birthday party. But he could feel his heart beating in his throat, and Hunk and Pidge were each crushing one of his hands, and he was crushing them back.

Sometimes, Lance missed being up there in space so much his whole body would ache.

The speck in the sky started to get bigger.

Lance wished there didn’t have to be other people around, but it had been insisted that a few techs and security personnel were necessary for this. At least they’d been able to hold off anyone with cameras.

The further the shuttle fell, the more Lance’s heart dropped into his stomach. It felt like a second and a millennium before it was touching down, the wind from its engine ruffling his hair. Everyone was silent as the shuttle door opened.

“Oh god,” Pidge was the first one to talk. “Oh my god, Shiro!”

She flung herself into his arms the moment he stepped out, and Lance felt laughter begin to bubble out of him. Because they were here, standing in front of him. They were here.

Shiro was laughing too, swinging Pidge around and holding her tight. But Lance couldn’t watch for long, because Coran pulled him into a hug.

“Lance! It’s so good to see you!”

“It’s good to see you too, man,” Lance said, worried that his laughter was bordering on hysterical. He felt hot tears sticking on his cheeks. He couldn’t believe this was happening.

The next couple of minutes were a blur of thorough hugs and tears and cheek-splitting smiles. Only once they had all given their greetings did they begin to notice that someone was missing.

“Hey,” Hunk said, smile still stretching his face, “Where’s Keith? Did he take the other shuttle?”

Lance felt a hard kick to his gut as he realized Keith wasn’t there. Struggled to breath as he thought of possibilities, the worst things he had imagined in the past three years.

But Shiro only rubbed the back of his neck apologetically.

“He actually…decided not to come.”

Lance stood still for a moment as the words sunk in.

Keith wasn't coming. He hadn't wanted to come.

And Lance knew, with crushing certainty, that it was because of him.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: waits to publish this until the third season is out and everything is obsolete because i live on another planet and have no clue what's going on ever
> 
> Anyway!! I had fun writing this, and I hope you still enjoy it!

Talking to the three of them was harder than Lance would’ve thought. After so much time, there should have been endless stories for them to share—but that was the problem. Lance remembered it well from when he’d first come home. There was so much to say that no one knew where to start.

On top of that, the new arrivals were overwhelmed and distracted by foreign surroundings, even the one among them who wasn’t foreign. Lance remembered that feeling, too.

But finally, some good food and a few drinks were warming things up.

“Wait, so you’re telling me you accidentally destroyed an ancient artifact and said I’m sorry?” Hunk said, incredulous, while Pidge laughed so hard it was surprising her sprite didn’t come out of her nose. Lance was laughing too, so much that his cheeks were starting to ache. But his heart was aching as well, causing a confusing mosaic of feelings.

Shiro chuckled, deep and calm in his chest. “What was I supposed to say? There were about ten thousand of them in the amphitheater, all just staring at me. Was I supposed to tell them a knock-knock joke?”

“Oh, man,” Lance wiped tears from his eyes, “I really do miss space shenanigans sometimes.”

“Really?” Allura said, surprised, “I thought you always seemed very anxious to get home. I remember how much you missed your family.”

Lance set his fork down, welling up with a strange guilt. “I mean,” he said carefully, “It was really hard. It wasn’t like I signed up to be away from my home and my family for three years…but still. I got to do and see things I never would have imagined, you know? And made the best friends I would ever have. I have to thank you for that, Princess.”

Allura’s face softened. “Oh, Lance,” she said, as Coran gave a sniffle, “I’m very…glad to hear you look at it that way.”

Shiro smiled at all of them, “Well, I’m amazed at everything you three have managed to do down here. I’m proud of you.”

“Yes,” Allura agreed, “As admirable as it is to help the universe, there is nothing more important than working to improve your home.”

“Oh boy,” Hunk said, reaching a napkin to catch his incoming tears, “You just had to go and say that, didn’t you? Now I’m gonna get tears in the delicious meal I cooked for you.”

Pidge sighed, “I guess we’ve reached the sappy part of the evening, huh?”

“Hey, it’s been three years. I deserve this.”

Shiro smiled. “Well, on that note, I think it might be time to give Keith a call.”

The atmosphere in Hunk’s cozy dining room thickened. There was no doubt that they all wanted to see Keith—but that was exactly the problem. They all wanted for Keith to be there, laughing and telling stories and giving hugs. His absence left a crater in the celebration.

And, although they were trying to hide it for the sake of their guests, they were all still pretty pissed at him.

Hunk tried to smooth out the spikes in the air. “That sounds like a good idea. He’s probably waiting on us."

“Can’t imagine what that feels like,” Pidge grumbled. Lance could understand the sentiment; for three years, he’d been trying to create a life, all the while feeling like he was just waiting around for the sky to open back up and pour his previous life back down on him, a life that remained unfinished and lingering. It was like building a sandcastle in the surf, always waiting for the tide to come in.

Only to find that the water was never coming back.

And as Shiro and Coran fiddled with the video com, Lance was grappling with a realization he’d been putting off for three years—that it was really, irrefutably, over.

“Okay,” Coran looked satisfied as the screen fuzzed to life, propped up against the vase of fresh flowers Hunk always kept on his table. “It may take a moment for him to pick up the call, but we should be in contact in a moment!”

Hunk’s cozy house became too small. The device on the table’s static fuzzing was like the hiss of an angry creature. Before Lance could rationalize the buzzing in his limbs, he was up, throwing his chair aside and heading for the door.

As the cool evening air hit his skin, Lance could only think that if it was over, then it was over.

And he would have to let it be.

Six Years Earlier

Lance hadn’t known that Keith could talk this much.

Throughout his life, he’d learned that everyone he met had a dense bundle of words hidden inside of them, just waiting for the right person to unravel it. His friends, his siblings. Everyone, no matter how quiet they seemed, had the inherent ability to stay up all night talking to someone who encouraged their words to come out of hibernation.

Somehow, Lance had never considered this rule could apply to Keith. Keith wasn’t quiet. He was preternaturally locked up; a fortress heavily guarded. He was straightforward, focused, and blunt. That he could ever do anything resembling _chatter_ had never even occurred to Lance as a possibility.

He was wrong.

Because Keith could talk—Keith could talk a _lot_. He could talk about flying and space and school and movies and places he’d been. He could talk about funny things the other paladins did, face lighting up with reminiscent laughter. He could talk about things that made him happy, and things that hurt him.

And recently, he’d been talking about these things to Lance.

“You know,” Lance said, as they hung out in the training room, chests still rising and falling with heavy breaths from their exercise. As much as Keith could talk, Lance was usually the one who had to initiate. “Sometimes I wish we saw more freaky space nonsense.”

Keith looked at him, eyebrow raised. “If there’s anything I’d think you’ve had enough of, it’d be ‘freaky space nonsense.’”

“No, no, no,” Lance shook his head. “I mean like, really freaky. Like, maybe I’m just a jaded pioneer of the universe by now, but most of the aliens we see have at least like. Eyes, some kind of mouth, yada yada. And I’m like, let’s shake it up a little bit, you know? Where are the aliens that are made entirely out of jelly?”

Keith considered it. “There are probably a lot of species out there less like humans, but we just can’t really interact with them. If something’s a formless blob of goo without a mouth then we probably couldn’t communicate too well.”

“I wish _you_ were a formless blob of goo without a mouth-ow!” Lance struggled away from Keith’s painful grip on his arm, laughing.

“Shut up,” Keith smirked. “And anyway, why would you want to meet formless lumps of goo anyway? You wouldn’t be able to flirt with them.”

Lance shrugged, wiggling his eyebrows. “Who knows? I’m an open-minded guy.”

“You’re disgusting.”

Lance gave him a playful kick. “Don’t be jealous just because you’ll never know the beauty of alien goo-love.”

“Ugh,” Keith groaned, covering his face with his hands, “Please don’t ever talk to me again.”

But Lance knew he didn’t mean it, because every time the opportunity arrived, they would end up talking for as long as they could. The training sessions they’d started together in what Lance expected to be a somewhat painful attempt at building a friendship would drag on, until they were walking back to their rooms together, eventually even hanging out in each other’s quarters the way he did with Hunk.

“You know what I miss?” Lance said one night, on the floor, leaning his back against Keith’s bed.

“What?” Keith sounded like maybe he was uninterested, his eyes fixated on the knife he was fiddling with. But Lance knew better by now. He swiveled around to look at his friend, elbows causing the mattress to dip.

“Pop music. I really miss pop music.”

Keith gave him that look he gave him a lot, like he was mildly incredulous, but also…amused? Fond? It was a mystery to Lance. Why couldn’t everyone be as theatrical as he was? At least then he’d always know what they were feeling.

“Really?” Keith said, tone matching his enigmatic expression.

“Uh, yeah! Taking the car out on a summer night, windows down, listening to the radio…” Lance closed his eyes, the picture he painted himself more vivid and painful than he’d expected.

Keith made a little humming sound, and Lance knew his argument had landed.

“Sounds nice,” he said.

“Yeah,” Lance was still detaching himself from the last threads of his fantasy; the wind in his hair, the flushed colors of a sunset on the horizon. For whatever reason, it was easy to imagine Keith there beside him, in the passenger’s seat.

He pulled himself back to reality with a lurch. “But I bet you only listen to like, punk rock. And drive a motorcycle, or something.”

Above him, Keith only supplied a haunting silence. After it began to feel a little too pointed, Lance whipped his head around so fast he felt his muscles seize.

“Oh my god. You don’t.”

Keith continued to clean his knife. That bastard.

“You do not have a motorcycle.”

“Is that bad?”

Lance groaned, throwing his head back onto the mattress and covering his face with his hands. “Ugh, no, it’s _cool_. Why do you always have to be so cool?”

Oops.

Keith stared at him like he was maybe trying to decide if Lance was making fun of him, but Lance was sure the warm red on his cheeks gave him away. At that moment, he decided that befriending Keith was the worst thing he'd ever done in his entire life.

“Someone I know had an old one they couldn’t sell,” Keith sounded almost apologetic, like he was trying to make Lance feel better. “I just fixed it up a little and they let me keep it.”

“Ugh, shut up. You’re not helping.”

“Uh…sorry?”

It probably wasn’t smart to start a pillow fight against a guy with a knife. Really, it was Keith’s fault for leaving a pillow on the ground. As soon as it had started, the moment of embarrassment was forgotten in what was probably one of the most competitive and potentially fatal pillow fights of all time.

The extent of their violence could not be contained by Keith’s small room, so they burst out the door in favor of tearing through the hallways.

Lance turned a corner and smashed right into Hunk. “Sorry! Just chasing Keith, gotta go bye!”

“I guess you two are getting along better, huh?” Hunk called after him, and Lance’s face was warm all over again. But that was probably from all the running.

They had a good time, which was nice, because Lance was starting to cherish those moments when he could have a good time with Keith. But, more importantly, it kept him from admitting anything he wasn’t ready to admit or understand yet.

_______

This was the worst idea ever.

“This is the worst idea ever,” Lance complained, throwing his head back in a display of his suffering as Keith led him into the training room. How did Keith always trick him into doing such terrible, terrible things?

“Worse than the time you climbed up a volcano to pick a flower for that Orelian girl and it gave you both horrible rashes?”

Lance breathed a laugh through his nose. “You really wanna start a bad idea competition, Mr. Keith I’ll-just fling-myself-into-this-bottomless-chasm-and-see-what-happens Kogane?”

“No.” Keith said. He’d found two of the metal-link headsets, and was holding one of them out to Lance. “I wanna see if we can do this.”

“Ugh,” Lance groaned, swiping the headset from Keith’s hand. He’d hoped a challenge would dissuade him.

Lance liked Keith just fine—well, a little more than just fine, if he was being honest— but that didn’t mean he wanted him rooting around inside of his head. Right now, there were some thoughts loud enough in his mind that he wasn’t sure he could keep Keith from hearing them.

And that would be…bad. Potentially catastrophic. Lance wasn’t sure, but he knew it would be somewhere on a scale between ‘Keith is weird and awkward around me for the rest of eternity’ and ‘Keith launches me out into the cold and unforgiving abyss.’ Either way, Lance didn’t want to chance it.

It seemed there was no getting out of this, though. Keith sat down on the floor, and Lance reluctantly plunked himself down across from him.

“I just wanna see if we’ve gotten any better at this,” Keith explained, “The last time we tried with just the two of us, the little ball got tugged back and forth so fast the entire program shut down.”

“Yeah…” Lance didn’t see why they needed more confirmation that they could work together well. But if it was what Keith wanted, he didn’t have it in himself to say no.

He was so fucked.

“Let’s get this over with,” he said, putting the headset on. Keith started up the program. A little glowing ball appeared to hover in the air between them. The game was something like a reverse tug-of-war, where the ball had to stay within a small space directly in the middle for as long as possible. To keep it there, the mental energies of the two players had to be perfectly balanced. They had to share the work equally, always attuned to what the other person was doing.

The first time they tried this had not gone very well.

But things were clearly different now, because the ball hovered more or less in the middle. There were a few trembles and sways, but they always managed to correct them.

In a minute, Lance’s head was starting to hurt from concentration. It was quiet, and he was starting to feel a frightening, inviting vulnerability as he sat in front of Keith. He struggled to tamp down his thoughts and feelings, and focus on the task at hand.

Only to be hit by a barrage of emotions that weren’t his.

He didn’t know what had happened. One moment, they were both in the zone, minds entirely focused on keeping the ball in the middle. The next, it was zooming towards Keith, and Lance was being knocked over by a wave of feelings and images.

Grief, anger, regret. Responsibility. Anxiety. And deep, underlying pain, and fear of being left to bear all of the burdens of life alone. There were parents, guardians, some fleeting, hesitant friendships. Shiro. The team. Shiro. Lance-

The connection was ripped away so violently that he felt an almost physical pain. Keith stood, throwing the headset to the ground.

“You were right,” he said, voice a low and angry, “this was a stupid idea.”

He stormed away before Lance could recover enough to go after him.

_______

“Hey,” Lance was surprised that Keith answered his door. Still, from his demeanor Lance couldn’t imagine this would be a productive conversation.

“Hey,” Keith said, face not revealing anything. Typical.

“I just, um,” Lance didn’t know what to do with his limbs, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

Lance sighed. Why did he have to be so difficult?

“Alright,” he said, already bracing himself, “I guess we’re doin’ this.”

Trying to pull Keith back to the training room with no explanation was like stuffing an angry cat into a bathtub, but he didn’t know what else to do. Well, he could probably just tell Keith all the things he’d been thinking for these past months, but he wasn’t sure if he could get them passed his lips. He also wasn’t sure if Keith would really understand them.

“If you don’t let me go, I’m going to kill you.” Oh god, Keith sounded serious. Lance really did have a death wish, didn’t he? It was just like when he had a huge crush on that alien lady with the spikes all over her body. But with, like, metaphorical spikes.

Keith’s metaphorical spikes sure were bristling now.

“Okay, okay! Just, uh, gimmie a minute,” Lance’s heart was hammering, hammering. The only thing that got him through was remembering those feelings…not his own, but the ones that Keith had just hurled at him. He couldn’t leave Keith alone with his grief, with his loneliness, with the shimmering firestorm of self-doubt that Lance hadn’t even known was there. He couldn’t leave Keith feeling unloved.

“Put this on,” Lance threw the headset at Keith, who caught it with a look of bewilderment.

“Lance, why-”

“Just…do it. Please.”

Keith looked dubious, and also like he was prepared to run Lance through with his bayard. But he did as he was told.

Lance took a deep, steadying breath. “Okay,” he said.

The little ball appeared between them, but Lance didn’t pay it any mind. With neither of them contributing to keeping it upwards, it began to drift down to the floor. Instead of stopping it, he focused all of his energy on the way he felt about Keith.

The admiration he felt for everything he was capable of. Gratitude, for how he’d stepped up and looked after the team. Pride, at having to chance to fight by his side.

And, deeper, a newfound sense of familiarity and affection. Hours spent training, or talking in their rooms, or raiding the kitchen in the middle of the night. The feeling of looking over your shoulder to make sure someone was there. Of reaching out for a hand in the darkness.

_“Sorry, you lose!”_

The little ball exploded on the floor. A graphic with the words “Try again” in Altean appeared. Lance’s insides felt like they were made of slow fire.

The first thing he thought when he saw Keith’s face was that this had been a mistake. He was shocked, uncomfortable, thinking that Lance was a total weirdo. He would definitely push him away now. _Sorry, you lose!_

“I…” Keith was so quiet, “I, um. Thank you.”

Lance couldn’t help it; he laughed. Some of the fire in his stomach dissipated.

“Sorry if that was weird,” Lance couldn’t help but hedge, “I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you’ve done. We all do. And…I know what Shiro is to you, and how much it hurts. But we’ll find him. And, if you ever, you know, need someone to talk to….”

Keith’s still slightly gob-smacked expression melted into a soft smile. “Thanks, Lance.”

“…You can talk to Coran. Oh, wait, did you think I meant me? Well, this is awkward.”

“You are so annoying.”

Lance smirked. Keith was still smiling at him, and there was something there, in the air between them. Something that made the floor shake, and shot them forward. Something like feeling Lance had the first time he looked into the boiling furnace of a star.

But, for now, all the two of them could do was look away.

______

“You know, I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh oh.”

“…Shut up. I’ve been thinking, what if Shiro is on some beautiful paradise planet somewhere?

“Lance-”

“No, seriously! You know like in movies, it happens all the time! The handsome hero washes up on some beach, and there’s beautiful ladies who nurse him back to health. And like, he wants to get back to saving the world, but the place is like, on a different plane of existence. And time works differently there, so he doesn’t know how much time is passing.”

“I have never seen a movie like that in my life.”

“Well, it happens! It happens all the time.”

“It’s…a nice thought.”

“But you don’t think it’s what happened.”

“No. I don’t.”

_________

Why couldn’t they do anything without being attacked?

As the Blue Lion took another blast, Lance thought that, if he ever made it back to earth, he’d be expecting to get ambushed every time he went to the grocery store.

“How did they find us?” Pidge’s voice was strained in the comm. Lance knew that she could take care of herself, but his heartrate still accelerated at the sound of her quivering voice. He couldn’t see the Green Lion, but it sounded like she’d just taken another hit.

“We’ll worry about that later,” Allura said, steady. She wasn’t speaking to them from the castle, but from the Red Lion. She had been adamant about participating in Shiro’s rescue mission. “If we wait much longer, the wormhole will start to collapse. This may be our only chance.”

Lance tried to swallow, but his throat was dry with stress. Things weren’t looking good; the fleet was blocking their access, and it would take a miracle to take them all out before they lost the wormhole.

As to be expected, Keith was like a flaming bulldozer in the fight. His sword took out three ships at once, apparently fueled by pure will as he cut swaths through the fleet.

“I think I can get at it,” he rasped through the comms.

“It’s too late,” Allura said, “The wormhole is compromised. If you go through it now, there’s no guarantee that you’ll come out the other side.”

“I can do it,” Keith was unwavering. “This is it, I can feel it. I just need someone to cover me.”

“Keith, no. We won’t allow you to do this.”

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Hunk said, “Looks like we’re gonna have to try another day.”

"No.” Oh no. Lance knew that tone.

“Lance. I need you to cover me.”

Of course. You bear you’re fuckin’ soul to a guy, and he uses his power against you. That’s the last time he let a cute boy read _his_ mind, that’s for sure.

“Lance, please. Trust me.” Keith’s voice broke.

Shit.

Lance whirled the Blue Lion around. He couldn’t believe he was doing this. “You’d better be right about this, cowboy. If you die in there, I’m gonna be really fucked up about it. I might even go through a phase and get blond streaks.”

Keith’s laugh was a grateful sound. “Please don’t do that.”

“Are you saying I wouldn’t look good?”

“Lance, what are you doing?” Allura, however, did not sound particularly grateful. Well, you can’t make everybody happy. “Keith, I forbid you from going through that wormhole.”

“Yeah, don’t do this, Keith,” Hunk agreed, pulling the stern voice that made appearances only in grave danger.

It was probably a bad decision, the kind he normally would try to talk Keith out of in a minute. But if this was their last chance to have Shiro back, then he didn’t think he could live with himself if he didn’t take that chance. 

Also, Keith had asked him to trust him…and he did. Over the past four months, he’d learned to.

As the Red Lion vanished over the horizon, Lance felt the splinters of an anticipatory heartbreak. His soul trembling at the thought of a loss it wouldn’t stand for.

Because if Keith didn’t come out of that wormhole, then Lance would be as lost as him.

_______

“I cannot express how furious I am with the two of you.”

It said a lot about Allura’s chastising abilities that Keith and Lance could still feel even a tiny speck of shame. But it truly was only a tiny speck—because Allura was smiling as she said it, and because they were both brimming with joy and with pride.

Because Shiro was back.

“You should really—stop smiling—learn to follow orders,” Keith and Lance fought back laughter, and Allura finally gave into the mirth as well. “Oh, fine. I’m very proud of you. But I really think we should try to limit the amount of potentially fatal risks you’re all taking in the future.”

“I second that,” Hunk said, clapping Keith on the back in a way that was somehow both loving and threatening. Lance could understand that mix where Keith was concerned. _Awesome, just, please don’t ever do that again._

Thirty-seven minutes. That’s how long it had taken Allura to lock onto Keith’s location and open another wormhole. Thirty-seven minutes of wondering if he’d even made it out the other side.

“I would also agree.” And, god, just the sound of Shiro’s voice made Lance feel like he was upending a cup of hot chocolate on a chilly day. Like he’d been walking a tightrope, and they’d just put the safety net back underneath him.

Shiro put a hand on each of their shoulders. “But…I also have to say thank you. To all of you.”

The words made Lance feel warm and light. Shiro sounded different now; some of the rough edges in his voice were smoother, and there was an energy behind them that hadn’t been there before. Well, maybe it was there _before_ , before space, before Kerberos. But Lance had never heard it.

Because, apparently, there was an alien race that got their kicks from rescuing poor stranded fuckers and restoring them to health on their mysterious unreachable spacetime bubble planet.

Apparently, Shiro had spent like two days in Galra captivity before being like, fuck that, and blasting himself out of there with the burning fury of a thousand suns and all that.

And because, apparently, Shiro had spent the last four months being pampered in the high-tech facilities of an advanced and naturally beautiful alien planet, where they wouldn’t let him leave until he was properly recuperated.

Sometimes Lance felt like all of the universe was just one big _apparently_.

“Thank you?” Pidge said, her nose still full of snot from crying happy tears, “Sounds like we took you away from the vacation of a lifetime.” Her tone was joking, but Lance could see the real guilt in her eyes. Felt it resonating in his own chest.

“Pidge,” Shiro said, striding over to wrap his arms around her, “I may have been comfortable there, but I never stopped trying to get out. All of you were always on my mind. I know where I’m supposed to be. And it’s right here.”

Pidge threw her arms around him. “Aw,” Hunk said, wiping his eyes, “Okay, okay, group hug!”

And boy, Lance was so up for that right now. Even with so many friends around, it was easy to feel touch-starved without his family. And the past months…he’d cried into Hunks arms a good amout of times, but they’d all been so focused on pushing forward. The burden of responsibility had landed more heavily on all of them.

But now, as Hunk yanked Allura into the hug, and Lance brought Keith in with an encouraging wave, it felt like everything was starting over. Like the future was coming, and they were ready for it.

As long as they stayed together.

______

“So,” Lance said, sauntering up to where Keith sat at a huge round window, gazing pensively into the abyss (or whatever he was doing). Lance was still full of clouds, footsteps supported by air. And then Keith turned around and smiled, happy to see him, and the day got even better.

“I guess I was right, huh?”

Keith’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “ _You_ were right?”

“Um,” Lance could almost muster up a look of indignance, “Excuse me? My Shiro-is-on-a-spa-planet-being-doted-on-by-beautiful-ladies theory? Do you not recall?”

“Mmm,” Keith nodded, “Right. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Lance raised his hand in an imaginary toast. With that cleared up, he could go back to grinning like a fool.

“I don’t know about the ‘beautiful ladies’ part, though,” Keith said, “The Grroks are gender neutral. And they have…a lot of eyes.”

“None of what you’re saying sounds like a deal breaker to me.”

Predictably, Keith rolled his eyes. Unpredictably, he took a breath and said, “What is?”

The moment shifted so much that Lance wanted to check if they’d just gone through a wormhole and were currently in that fabric of spacetime weirdness that always made his skull feel like playdough. But he went with it. This was just like, normal banter, right? Everything was normal.

“Uh…bad oral hygiene?” Yup. Playing it cool, as always.

Keith thought for a moment. “I don’t think the Grroks had teeth.” 

“Well they can’t be dirty then, can they?”

Keith sighed, but there was a smile in there. He sent it out into the air with his breath. A few moments passed by in soft, content silence.

“Thank you for backing me up out there.”

Lance turned from the window and back to Keith, who was watching him earnestly. “Oh, uh, no problem.” Then, after a moment, “Thanks for getting Shiro back. That took guts. I mean, it was ridiculous, like everything you do, but I can respect that. I _do_ respect that.”

And, oh boy, Keith wasn’t saying anything else, but he was still looking at him. And sure, Keith was known to stare a little longer than was comfortable for those around him, but this felt different, and the air between them was dense and warm and Lance’s face was hot and-

Keith kissed him. Just for a second, something Lance would characterize as a behind the middle school on a summer afternoon kind of kiss. It was quick and soft, and the time it took for Keith’s face to get to his face was long and weird. But he got there.

And Lance let him. Although, he supposed Keith was expecting that, after he’d read his mind and everything.

“Wow,” Lance said, a hot, bright feeling in his stomach, “You kissed me.”

“Yeah.” Keith just kept staring at him, but now the very tips of his ears were red. Cute.

“I, um,” Keith started, and Lance thought that he was about to get a serious declaration. Instead, what he got was, “I brush my teeth. Twice a day. I don’t floss a lot, but—”

“Oh my god,” Lance refused to call the sound that came out of his mouth a giggle. “Smooth operator. Please stop talking.” He wrapped his arms around Keith’s waste, pulling him in.

Keith regarded him, unsure. “Sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s alright. You’ve got me.”

“…Right.”

“And I dunno what I’m doing either, so it’s cool.”

Keith smiled. “Right.”

Out in the hallway, the sounds of happy paladins echoed towards them. Lance took a step back. He wasn’t sure where they were going from here, but that was okay. They might be hurdling down a hill at 100 miles per hour with no clue how to steer, and it might be overwhelming and a little surreal, but he knew that they were hurdling towards something good.

“Talk later?” Lance offered. Best to bookmark it, for now. There was a lot going on.

Keith nodded, and that was that. Or, really, that was the beginning of that. Grinning and pink, they went to join the others, to wonder in the feeling of having their family back together.

And it was only the beginning.

Six Years Later

Lance flinched when he heard Hunk’s back door swing open. He’d embarrassed himself, and ruined a nice night with his friends, one of precious few. Now that his heart had climbed back into his chest, he just wanted to hide his face and look up at the stars.

“Lance.” Of course it was Shiro’s soft voice that appeared beside him. Everyone else would want to spend as much time as they could talking to Keith. Lance wanted that, too. He wanted a whole lifetime.

He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He felt like a child. “Sorry. I know that was stupid.”

Shiro sighed, heavy and pensive. “I don’t think that, Lance. I know this has been hard for you.” Then, after a few seconds had passed, “It’s been hard for him, too.”

Lance snorted, but not for the reason Shiro probably thought. “You know, when I first realized he wasn’t coming, I was so pissed. Now I get a chance to see him, and I just…couldn’t. So I guess I can’t blame him for not being able to see me.”

That was the whole problem with everything. Lance had always known where Keith was coming from—all these years, he’d just wanted to be angry, to act like Keith had run a spear through his heart on purpose, eat some ice cream, date some people, and move on. To build his life back up here, without one eye always trained upwards.

But he couldn’t.

“I always wonder if I should have stayed with him.” The admission came out hard, like a breath held in for far too long. He couldn’t fight the tears that warmed his cheeks. “I wonder if I’m being selfish. Or if I would be happier. Or if…” he fought through the choked feeling in his throat, “If one day, he’ll need me, and I won’t be there.”

A solid hand fell on his shoulder. “Lance. Look at me.” Lance did. “I can’t tell you if you would be happier. But I do know that you weren’t being selfish. After all you’ve sacrificed, and how long your family had to be without you…don’t you dare accuse yourself of that. Got it?”

Lance nodded, trying to allow the words to comfort him. But all he could manage to feel was unwhole.

“Why do I miss it sometimes?” he choked. “Why don’t I know who I am here anymore? This is supposed to be my home.”

Shiro gave his shoulder a squeeze. “That’s what happens, when you come back from a war.” War. Lance always felt strange applying the word to his experiences. It wasn’t like what he’d read about in history textbooks, with young men running vulnerable through scoured fields of dirt.

Lance didn’t feel like a veteran. He just felt like he was always split between the middle, and there was no way to reconcile the two halves of himself.

“Right before we came back for a visit,” Shiro said, “I was actually talking to Keith about…splitting our time. Coran and Allura have been working on adjustments that would make wormhole travel less draining. If it worked, we could easily stay down here, and go back to Voltron if we’re needed. Which is becoming increasingly less frequent.”

It was too much to process. Lance could only stare out into Hunk’s moonlit garden, grounding himself, as he often did, with things he loved about Earth. Silver light pooling on green leaves. Breathing in night air, and night sounds, and trying not to hope.

“Are you going to come in and talk to him?” Shiro asked.

And Lance knew that he should. But he also knew that, right now, he wasn’t ready to be reminded even further of what he was missing. “Maybe tomorrow.”

Shiro’s face was disapproving, but he didn’t say anything.

Lance tried to cover up the discomfort. “Thanks for talking. I didn’t mean to dump all my shit on you on your first day back.”

“That’s okay. Keith’s cried to me about missing you plenty of times.” He gave Lance another clap on the back, and turned back into the house.

Warm light fell from the windows, inviting, but Lance held his ground. As much as he tried not to, he couldn’t stop himself from looking up, his eyes tracing the patterns of the stars.

And he cried, because Keith was up there, right above him, and Keith was in Hunk’s dining room, and none of it made any difference.

Because what separated them was stronger than distance.

_______

The television screen faded out, leaving only a residual static that was out of place among all of this advanced alien tech.

All Keith could do was stare. His friends’ voices were still ringing in his ears.

He forgot, sometimes, how much he missed them. His brain was the kind that was made of compartments—he could switch to one when he needed it, then package everything away and move on to another area of thought. As long as he kept pressing forward, he didn’t have to think about the past.

It had always been a difference between him and Lance. Lance’s feelings, his thoughts, his memories…they all ran together, colorful and languid as paint left to drip down a wall.

A shot of pain raced through Keith’s chest, staggering. He rarely let himself think about what life was like for Lance. When he did, he imagined him happy, with his friends and his family and pizza and rain and storms rolling in over the ocean.

But the box in his head that knew Lance better than he knew anyone else understood that it couldn’t be entirely true. There was pain in the empty seat at Hunk’s table, the missing voice when the screen stuttered to life. Pain for Keith, and pain for Lance.

Would he not even get the chance to talk to him?

Keith felt hardly in control of his limbs as he ran to the shuttle dock, confirming what he already knew; that the second shuttle was only a charred hunk of metal, fundamental pieces of its wiring fried and useless.

But Keith wasn’t in the habit of taking things as they came to him. He’d bend iron with his own will, particularly if it meant rectifying his mistakes.

And he was realizing, finally, what a massive mistake he’d made.

Four years earlier

It was difficult to keep secrets when you were a paladin. That was something Lance and Keith learned when, after only a few weeks, some blabbermouth telepathic alien made sure everyone knew about them. It was okay, though—it was nice to have a little time just for them, to figure everything out. But it also felt strange keeping things from the others, who were such a part of them that such heavy secrets stuck inside of them like blasphemy.

The fallout was close to what they’d expected. It was rocky but manageable, their interpersonal dramas doomed from the beginning to be dwarfed by the gravity of their mission.

Allura at first was vaguely irritated at the distraction, swatting at it like it was a fly that would inevitably give up its pursuits. Coran was kind and invasive, curious about the culture of human relationships in general, and Keith and Lance in particular. Shiro spoke to them at length about focus and discipline and the importance of maintaining the team no matter what changes to their relationships may come.

Pidge, for her part, spent a few days being sullen and insecure. She’d learned to regard family as tenuous, and needed to be assured that nothing would change before her attitude could switch to happy and teasing. Even Hunk, amidst bubbly excitement, pulled Lance aside one day to make sure that they were still each other’s right-hand men.

They started to see it, then—how Keith was more open and joyful, and Lance more grounded, subtler in a way that comes from security. The best parts of their natures polished and shining when the other was around.

Now, more than a year later, all of this was normal.

“Ugh,” Lance griped, his footsteps in the dirt overexaggerated in their heaviness. _“Walking.”_

This was normal, too. Keith was used to the way Lance would dramatize a minor situation, and minimize a serious one. More than used to it; it was one of a million things that he loved.

Two long, sweaty arms draped themselves over Keith shoulders. He staggered as Lance put his weight on his boyfriend’s back.

“Carry me?” he whined, pitiful, into Keith’s shoulder.

“No.”

Lance pushed himself up, groaning. “You are so mean to me. Hunk, can you believe how mean he is to me?”

A soft, amused smile appeared on Hunk’s face. “Don’t worry, buddy. I’ll carry you.”

“Thank you.” Before Keith could react, Lance was jumping into Hunk’s arms and being carried bridal style through the forest.

Keith’s hands made an indignant gesture. “What is happening right now?”

“Snooze you lose,” Lance said simply, voice a bit jarred by the movement of Hunk walking.

“Don’t worry, Keith. You can carry me.”

“Wait-ow! Pidge, don’t hold my neck, I can’t breathe.”

“If you couldn’t breathe, you wouldn’t be talking,” Pidge said imperiously from astride Keith’s back, “Besides, I find the neck to be the most stable holding place.”

Grunting in irritation, Keith pried her fingers from his neck in favor of placing them on his shoulders.

So it happened that when Shiro appeared through the brush, he was greeted by the sight of Hunk carrying Lance, and Keith giving Pidge an uncomfortable piggy back ride.

“Do I want to know?” He said, unbothered. If they were on a mission, he would probably have told them to focus. But their ‘vacation day’ seemed to have brought out ‘vaction Shiro’ as Lance had affectionately christened him. Keith also noted the difference; how he seemed quietly content, small moments of conflict or inconvenience rolling off him like water on a windshield.

It made Keith happy he’d voted to hang around on Chroleotasis for one more day, so that they could enjoy the festivities of a yearly extravagant holiday. He knew he was the swing vote—that if Allura and Shiro saw him willing to press pause on Voltron business, they would warm to the idea as well.

At first, Keith thought taking an entire day for something like this would be a waste of time. Then he thought of Lance, and the homesickness that he could feel in his own chest despite not necessarily sharing it. It would make Lance happy, and that was all the sway he needed to vote a resounding yes.

And it was paying off. As much as Lance poked fun at Shiro for the unraveling of his tight coils, _vacation Lance_ was also a notably different creature. He was loud and bubbling, more dramatic and silly and tactile, frequently reaching out to cling to Keith or fix his hair or hold his hand. Keith wondered if this was more what he was like at home, found himself imagining taking this Lance to a museum, or on a last-minute walk to the grocery store.

He brought his thoughts to a screeching stop. Since when did he daydream about a life back on Earth? The end of their mission was always a gaping precipice, a plunge into uncertain darkness that Keith tucked into deep corners of his mind. He rarely thought of his future at all, never mind one that was simple and binding.

But then there was Lance.

“Allura and Coran found a good spot for us on the beach,” Shiro said, “It’s only about fifteen minutes from here.”

“Oh, thank quiznak,” Lance said, arms still wrapped around Hunk’s neck. “I’m exhausted.”

“Um, excuse me?” Hunk’s voice was strained, “ _You’re_ exhausted?”

“It’s hard work holding on-ow! Hunk!”

Hunk dropped him to the dirt path, stone-faced. Keith laughed, still carrying Pidge on his back.

“You deserved that.”

“Forget you guys,” Lance dusted himself off, “Bet I’ll get there before you!”

“Hey wait!” Keith called as Lance took off through the forest, nudging aside alien families also headed to the fireworks, all fatigue forgotten. “Pidge, get off my back.”

“Nope.”

“Seriously?” Keith groaned, before securing his hold on Pidge as best as he could and taking off down the path.

“Careful,” Shiro said casually, not even trying.

By the time Keith and Pidge burst through the end of the path, laughing, twilight was falling over the rocky Chroleotacian beach, and Lance was sprawled out on a patch of ruddy sand next to Coran and Allura, breathing heavily and smiling bright.

“I win,” he teased, reaching out for Keith to guide him down next to him, “I win, I win, I win.” He punctuated each brag with a kiss on Keith’s cheek.

“You didn’t have a fifteen-year-old on your back,” Keith gasped, as said fifteen-year-old plopped down beside them.

“Stop making excuses, Keith,” she said.

He couldn’t find it in him to continue the playful argument. On the beach, the red of the ancient sun setting swathed the beach in deep purple. The rocks were clear and colorful, a million smooth crystals sparkling in the low light. Groups of Chroleotacians chattered, most not paying the humans among them any mind—this was an old planet, used to space travel and space travelers. Settling into the serene beauty of the moment, Lance shifted so he was leaning back on Keith’s chest, between his legs, gangly limbs bent and spilling all over.

“Where are Hunk and Shiro?” Allura asked. “It would be a shame for them to miss any of the fireworks. They really are spectacular.”

A few minutes later, the two did arrive, much less sweaty than Keith and Lance. There were a few typical minutes of anticipation, and then the fireworks began.

They weren’t like anything Keith had ever seen. The fireworks would shoot into the sky, then perform elaborate dances, trailing shimmering and effervescent patterns behind them for several minutes before finally exploding. When they did, it was shocking in its gentleness; barely a sound, then a slow fluttering of multicolored embers falling like glitter.

A sharp intake of breath made Keith look down to where Lance’s head still rested on his chest. His eyes were trained on the sky, but they were wet, and so were his cheeks.

“Hey,” Keith whispered, brushing at Lance’s eyes to wipe away the tears.

Lance shook his head, giving him a shaking smile, an unspoken _I’m okay_. But when Keith shifted to wrap his arms around Lance’s chest, it siphoned quiet sobs from him.

The others heard and turned their worried heads. Keith waved them off, running a thumb over the hair on Lance’s forehead.

He held him like that for the rest of the night, as they all watched the colors burst, so peacefully, in the night sky.

Four Years Later

Keith was no mechanic, but after all this time, he knew a thing or two about Altean spaceships.

He also knew a thing or two about impossibility, about forcing the world to meld into what he wanted out of sheer, desperate willpower. He knew about riding the winds of his impulses, carrying them out before more reasonable voices could get a word in.

If Lance were here, he’d be that reasonable voice. He’d hold him to the ground until he could see clearly, until what was under his feet was solid and real, and his internal drive was nothing but an insistent whisper in his ear.

But Lance wasn’t here.

And Keith was going to fix that.

Three Years Earlier

They waited for Lance’s voice.

It was like looking for the future, and finding only a wall, or a chasm. It was like waiting to see if the stars would shine tomorrow. Like standing by for the end of the world.

At least, that’s what it was like for Keith.

“Lance,” Shiro said his name into the helmet the same way he’d said it five times before. Steady, all business, but the look in his eyes got worse every time, like they were sinking into his skull.

In the comm, there was nothing. Over the ridge where the Blue Lion had gone down, there was nothing.

In Keith’s chest, nothing but a vacuum of space and darkness.

“Come on,” Hunk sobbed, punctuating this awful, endless moment.

No more stars, no more matter, nothing with form left in Keith’s life. Even now, he was floating, his feet rooted to the battle-scarred ground. He was struck by the alienness of the landscape—the sky and soil all the wrong colors, and nothing alive or nurturing anywhere.

The thought that this was the most horrible place for Lance to die had him falling to the ground, crumpling, unable to breathe.

And then, there was a voice.

“Uh, guys?”

Keith uncollapsed, a star going supernova. The voice wasn’t in his helmet, but above him, and for a moment he thought it was only in his head. That despite all of his non-religious convictions, Lance was taking a second to say goodbye.

Until he looked up, and saw him standing on the ridge, bumped up and dirty but nearly unharmed.

And, even though Lance was the one who’d been knocked out of the sky, he was the one who had to help Keith to his feet.

Three Years Later

“Where the hell is he?” Lance was so over this emotional rollercoaster nightmare. Honestly, he was like the women on telenovelas he always yelled at— _why do you still care about him? Why are you putting yourself though this? Move on with your life, Rosalita!_

“Perhaps there’s something wrong with the communicator!” Coran said. 

Allura frowned. “No, I think he just isn’t picking up.”

Lance almost laughed. Of course, now that he’d finally worked up the guts to talk to him, Keith was the one bailing. Maybe he really had died on that day three years ago, and this was his personal hell—stuck in emotional avoidance phone tag with Keith for the rest of eternity.

Pidge tugged on her hair like she was ready to pull it out, groaning. “Why can’t you two just get your shit together!”

“I have my shit together!” Lance squawked. “He’s the one who’s causing all the problems here, not me!”

“Whatever you say.”

Before Lance could retaliate, the communicator fuzzed. Keith’s face appeared on the screen, and…well, there he was.

He looked off, like he hadn’t slept. There was also a frantic energy about him, like he was in a rush, his conversation with them only a brief pitstop.

Also, his hair was shorter. What the hell.

Shiro breathed a relieved, but irritated, sigh. “Keith-”

“Sorry Shiro, I can’t talk right now.”

“What do you mean you can’t talk?” Shiro was definitely pissed now. Lance was a little pissed, but mostly nauseous and giddy and weird at the sight of Keith’s face. Why did love have to be so _stupid?_

“I’m coming down. In the shuttle.”

“But the shuttle’s-”

“I know. I’m fixing it.”

“What? But Keith-”

“Don’t worry Shiro. I’ll see you soon.”

“Wha- Keith!” The comm returned to empty static. “Keith! You can just go down once we bring this shuttle back!” He slapped his own forehead. “You idiot.”

“Um,” Hunk said, nervous, “So how broken is the shuttle, exactly?”

“It got hit by an asteroid.”

“Great, so…is Keith gonna die?”

Lance couldn’t handle this right now. It was the most Keith thing he could imagine happening, and part of him shimmered at the realization that he actually did want to see Lance. Badly enough to hop in a defunct shuttle and hope for the best.

But also, what in the high holy outer space was he thinking?

Lance threw himself onto Hunk’s couch, face first, and groaned.

Three Years Earlier

“Why are you doing this to me?” Lance’s voice was raw and straining. He didn’t think he’d ever felt this desperate in conversation with someone, like he was trying to hold onto his life just with words.

Words that were never enough.

“I’m not doing anything to you,” Keith looked genuinely baffled, and genuinely sad. “I’m just…making a decision.”

Lance knew this. He didn’t care. “You’re making me choose between you and my family. And I can’t do that, Keith! You know I can’t do that.”

“Lance,” Keith tried to reach out to him; he flinched away. He tried to ignore the heartbreak on Keith’s face at his behavior. But didn’t he break his heart first?

“I never wanted to make you choose,” he was so quiet. Lance could barely stand to look at the downward sloping lines of his face—the way Keith could cry without tears. “I didn’t think it would even be a choice.”

“How could you think that? I _love_ you.”

Keith winced like he’d been struck. “I love you too, Lance. But they need me here. After all of this, I can’t just leave. I have to make sure the universe stays safe.”

“But you don’t think they need me.” Lance knew he was just making up bullshit now, but he was hurt. He wanted Keith to understand. He wanted him to come home with him.

Like he’d always imagined.

“I want you to be happy,” Keith said.

Tears rolled down Lance’s face. “How can I be if you’re not there?”

The words hung in the air. Lance found that it was unbearable to soak in them for too long.

“I guess you don’t feel the same way,” he snapped, sullen. Before Keith could respond, he stood and left the room.

Outside, he found Hunk and Pidge, who clearly had been listening to their fight. They were wide-eyed and stricken, and looked ready to comfort him, but Lance wasn’t in the mood to be comforted. He wanted to have everyone he loved in his life. Was that so much to ask for?

______

“Lance. You can’t leave it like this.”

Lance knew that only the best of friends told you the things you didn’t want to hear. But that didn’t do much to warm him to Hunk as they got ready to head down to earth.

He and Keith hadn’t spoken since the argument. It was easier that way; Lance could pretend he was angry, that he couldn’t bear the sight of him.

Hunk nudged him with his elbow. “Lance, please. What if something happens to him?”

And that was the real thing that had been pinging around Lance’s brain for two days. Not anger at Keith for abandoning him, or insecurity that he didn’t love him the same way. But the atrocious, knowing fear that they would never see each other again.

How was that something he could face?

But the alternative was worse, so he went to where Keith was hanging around, awkwardly waiting for his goodbye, and threw his arms around him.

“I’ll miss you,” he said.

“God, Lance,” Keith said into his shoulder, “You have no idea.”

And when Lance went down to Earth, he took with him the feeling that there was still a thread connecting him to the stars, always tugging painfully at his heart.

Three Years Later

For the first time in years, Lance wished that he had a different skill set.

Because while his friends were running frantically around the station at Headquarters, attempting to prepare everyone for an unexpected (and unpredictable) landing, as well as trying to hack into the coms on the castle of lions because of course Keith was not fucking answering them, Lance was just…there.

Lance feeling useless, and Keith being hazardously impulsive. He should bust out his ‘throwbacks’ playlist.

At least Shiro also had little more to do than worry. Pacing around the facilities, the poor guy still looked as much like a thing from space as Coran and Allura did. The station may have been borrowed from the garrison, but nearly everything was different.

“Hey,” Lance said, interrupting Shiro’s pacing, “Don’t worry. They’ll work it out.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow. “You’re strangely calm about this.”

Lance shrugged. Really, he was freaking out significantly less than he would have expected. Maybe he was just used to Keith pulling stunts, but it felt like more than that. Something supernatural, like the peace that washed over him after hours of laying in the sun, listening to the waves break in rhythmic patterns. His mind was worried, sure, but his body provided no fluttering heartbeat, no churning nausea in his gut.

Unlike his more scientifically minded friends, there was a part of Lance that was all feeling, a creature of instinct. And for the first time in a while, something in the atmosphere just felt _right_.

He wasn’t about to express that to his friends. At a messy desk in the control hub where they all were, Pidge made a sound of frustration. “Why won’t he just pick up?”

“Well, you know, wouldn’t wanna risk us talking him out of his extremely dangerous plan,” Hunk said, and it was definitely true. Things were bad enough when Keith couldn’t just decide to turn them off.

“We’ll at least be able to track him once he’s in the atmosphere, right?” Allura asked, leaning to look over Hunk’s shoulder at the green screen in front of him.

And where, several moments later, and unidentified object appeared.

“Okay, that’s gotta be him,” Hunk said, panic edging into his voice. “Oh god, he’s coming in fast.”

They all scrambled from their current positions. Once they were out in the bright sunlight, they all sprinted to the landing pad.

“I see him!” Pidge shouted.

Sure enough, there was a dot appearing in the sky. Lance felt a moment of déjà vu—from watching the others come down just a day ago, and also a little bit from the blurry photos of UFOs he’d pour over when he was younger.

Unlike the first landing, the speck pitched and shook as it got closer. _Oh, Keith._

The first pricks of anxiety found Lance as the shuttle came in, like the moments before getting a shot, not knowing when it’s going to come.

“Hmm,” Coran said conversationally, “He doesn’t seem to be slowing down for the landing, does he?”

“Yeah, um, I think we should probably get out of the way!”

Everyone dashed to put distance between themselves and the landing pad. But Lance stayed—that feeling of rightness holding his feet to the ground. The wind from the shuttle hit his face. It felt like it could lift him off his feet.

None of that stopped the shuttle’s impact from knocking him to the pavement.

Someone shouted his name, and soon there were people kneeling all around him, asking if he was alright. He didn’t answer, though, because the door of the shuttle was opening.

He forced himself to stand. The shuttle was banged up; from the rocky descent or from its previous misshapes, he couldn’t be sure.

Keith appeared in the doorway. He looked as he had on the telecommunicator, only less frantic, and possibly more uncertain. Lance recognized this as the crash after the high of an impulsive Keith decision. Lance recognized everything, so familiar and so real that it physically hurt.

Keith had to have been expecting the reception he got. Meaning a lot of hugs, and a lot of people yelling at him and possibly hitting him a little.

“Come here you big, stupid jerk,” Hunk sobbed in the middle of a bone-crushing hug. Pidge was barraging him with little punches, but finally gave in and wrapped her arms around him as well.

When they parted, Keith’s eyes finally met Lance’s. He looked older, and apologetic, and nervous. He looked like he’d just crash-landed on earth after blazing thought the atmosphere at who knows how many miles per hour.

He looked happy to see him.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said.

Lance’s smile was like a flower growing, slow and unstoppable. He laughed, and everything bad between them dissolved. Before he knew it, Keith’s arms were around him, and his face was buried in his shoulder.

“You didn’t have to be so dramatic about it,” he said, not fighting the happy tears.

He was joking, but Keith’s response was sincere, and about more than his entrance, “I’m sorry.”

Lance ran his hands through his hair, and he didn’t want to let him go. That long string stretching up was slackened, and he no longer felt its uncomfortable pull. Two halves of himself getting, maybe, some well-deserved rest.

For years, he’d thought that they’d been separated by irreconcilably different dreams. But now, it seemed that it was the opposite—that they wanted the same thing. That they both wanted _everything._

They were both creatures earth, and inhabitants of the sky. Both fashioned of adventure and wonder and violence, but also of family, of unbreakable bonds. Of love. Lance thought about what Shiro had told him, and was filled with hope that they could have it all.

For the first time in six years, Lance held onto Keith, and felt whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!! Comments are always very appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much again for reading! Part two should be up pretty soon, until then, comments are deeply appreciated!! 
> 
> <3


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